You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
