Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
