i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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