we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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