there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
