I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
