Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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