Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
