Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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