I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
