you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I need to sanitize my soul.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
