Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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