mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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