whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
