You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
