Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Randomize
