hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
