i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I am naked and annoyed.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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