we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
