My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
