Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
