In the future we'll all be gay
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I understand Curling. That high.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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