M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Randomize
