i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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