i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
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you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
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The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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