yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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