I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
