Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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