That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
why do cheetos always look like penises
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
