im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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