if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize