Sry I called you an 8
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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