the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
