She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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