I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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