Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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