If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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