You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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