Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize