You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
