and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
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OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
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So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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