his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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