where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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