I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
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Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
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His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize