O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
