the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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