he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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