I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
