why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
