My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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