she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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