Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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