Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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