ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
