i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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