Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
