don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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