I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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