After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have already put on my inside pants.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
