the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Randomize
