Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
