I'm so fucking centered right now
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
