she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
