I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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