I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
