I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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