Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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