eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
