sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
