i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
