non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
