Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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