I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
