dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
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She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
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we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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