rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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