i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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