You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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