hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
