Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
