Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
