maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
