walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
