you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
