whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
