And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
