I faked an abortion last night.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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