That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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