I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
