I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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