You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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