Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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