i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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